Every relationship is unique. But far too many people break up or divorce because the “spark” is no longer there.

In a healthy relationship, you can trust your partner, approach them with affection, and have faith in their decisions, although there might be inconsistencies from time to time. So how can you ensure your relationship stays healthy?

Here are some of the best rules to follow as a couple. If a couple is committed to working with these rules, they will prosper and last long-term.

Respect

It is important to respect one another. Your relationship can be healthy if there is a strong sense of mutual respect.

Respect your partner in ways that honor them and elicit love from them. Make sure to always treat each other with respect, particularly during crisis and when you are angry with each other. Understand the desires, thoughts, and emotions of your partner. And never use derogatory words, accuse, shout, intimidate, or threaten a breakup or divorce if you have any disagreements. Always be mindful of how you speak to them and remember to treat them the way you want to be treated.

Trust

Sometimes people need some time alone despite being in healthy relationships. Couples should take time away from each other and strive for their own goals. Each person has their own needs. They could even say no if they do not want to spend time with you. That is not a statement. It's an opportunity to be more self-reliant or reach out for support. When you make someone to be your everything, they will end up resenting you, and so will you.

Communication

More relationships wither from unmet needs than violence. Should you hold back when you get upset? Excuse poor behavior? Do you nag your partner rather than listen to them? If you are "compliant" enough to not speak up, you are contributing to the relationship's inauthenticity. Instead, dare to speak up and share your need. Create open communication with your partner. If you refuse to be honest without feeling guilty or wanting to start a fight, this might not be the best relationship for you.

Self-awareness

Many people including those who are really "good" have some toxic traits that are detrimental to themselves and others. Some common ones are defensiveness, weak communication skills, projection of negative emotions unto your partner, and lack of emotional intelligence. You may know the areas you need to improve. If you don't, try to ask your partner, close friends, or your therapist. Don't be afraid to accept that you have space for growth. Everyone has a chance to become more self-aware.

Self-esteem

If you are unhappy with your life, you will only end up making your partner more miserable. Only you validate your self-worth. Too many people base their self-worth on finding a spouse and then staying together for the sake of it. Yet how you feel about yourself should not be linked to your marital status or to your partner's desires and moods. When you have a strong sense of self-worth, no one-not even your spouse-can bring you down.

Kindness

Just because you have been together for years does not mean you stop being kind to one another. Kindness should not be a one-time event, whether you do it out of obligation or for special occasions. When you are very upset, or if it happens for the 20th time, it's more difficult to be kind. You can offer to do something for them, express gratitude for them, hold hands, or smile at them. Expressing kindness is a powerful way of showing love.

Reliability

Actions speak far louder than words, as the saying goes. When you say you will do something, go ahead and follow through your commitment.

You love your partner and show that you care when you follow it through, even if it is something minor such as showing up on time at an event. Your partner will not take you seriously and lose respect for you if you break your promise. Say what you mean and mean it.

Conflict Resolution

Disagreements may help develop and sharpen the capacity to resolve conflicts. Sometimes what you think you disagree about is not the actual topic at all. Have an internal conversation with yourself and get to the bottom of your argument. Often an argument worsens because you are fighting based on past experiences. Getting a deeper insight of the dynamics at play will help to improve your relationship and allow you to better connect to people in other areas of your life.

A relationship can be difficult even after years of being together. These rules can help you strengthen your relationship and help you and your spouse find fulfillment with each other. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, it is just a way to continue improving the relationship to be a stronger unit. At Wake Counseling, we have experienced marriage and couples therapists to help you overcome relationship issues.

Visit our couples counseling page or call 919-647-4600 ext. 1 to schedule an appointment.